too bad you live with your parents still
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
