I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize