Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im holly from the hills drunk
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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