if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
