I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
