3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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