good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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