Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
