Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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