3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
