this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
