and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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