she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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