His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
