I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
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you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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