Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
