Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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