you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.