i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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