That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"