We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
