I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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