Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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