I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Randomize
