Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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