Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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