can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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