its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
