my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
