I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
