in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
