How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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