My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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