No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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