I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
