it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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