Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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