So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
