My nipple is on Facebook.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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