I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
