he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
