Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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