I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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