reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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