Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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