i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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