My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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