he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
