My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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