Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My hand turned me down
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
