Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize