it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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