I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
