Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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