The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
