i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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