Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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