my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We need to get me chipped asap
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
