I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
