I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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