Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
