Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
