Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
