You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The adults are the big ones right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
