Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
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today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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