dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
