1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
