Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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