You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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