just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
