Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
