why didn't you poke me back
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
