I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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