I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
