dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
