My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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