just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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