It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
