yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
vagina is talking i cant
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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