You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Drunk walkin through police station. America
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
